Photoarchaeology: DB's Teenage Bookshelf

Today marks the start of an occasional series in which we dig deep into our old family photos for nostalgic artefacts.

We're kicking off with a doozy. Behold: Daydream Bubbles' teenage bookshelf.

I don't know why I took a photo of this at the time, but I'm delighted that I did. Now y'all can see what an insufferable nerd I was.

First, though, let's address the bright yellow, floral elephant in the room. No wonder I now suffer from migraines. Yikes.

Now we've got that out of the way, let's see what we've got.

1. Disney: The Illustrated Treasury of Songs

I had a lot of keyboard books, despite that fact I couldn't really play. Every now and then I'd dip into them, and then remember I could barely read music. Here's the 1993 book Disney: The Illustrated Treasury of Songs. It was the bomb. It had everything from 'Minnie's Yoo-Hoo' to 'Friend Like Me'.

Play that funky music, white girl.

2. The Simpsons: A Complete Guide to Our Favorite Family

Remember when The Simpsons was, like, the funniest thing ever? No, it really was! Oldschool Simpsons was legitimate quality.

I'm eating my shorts as we speak.

This was a comprehensive and well-written companion book to the golden years (at that point, the only years) of The Simpsons.

It included character and episode guides, easter eggs and tons of pictures. I would gladly spend an afternoon poring over this book right now!

Still our favorite [sic] family.

We object to the term 'urine-soaked hellhole' when you could have said 'peepee-soaked heckhole'.

3. Perfume Puff Palace

When I was an already-nostalgia-obsessed teen, I collected My Little Pony. The Perfume Puff Palace (US name: 'Poof 'n' Puff Perfume Palace' - very strong) was the prize of my collection.

It was a kind of pony boudoir in the form of a working perfume atomiser. It came with make up, tulle scarves and feather boas for your equine courtesans.

The Poof 'n' Puff Horse Bordello.

4. My Mr. Men Library

Was I too old for Mr. Men books? Probably. Do I care? Hell no. My favourite was the relatable Mr. Messy.

I feel you, dude.

Not only were these books funny, cute and nostalgic, but they also did a cool thing when you put them in order on your bookshelf.

5. A Selection of Cassette Tapes

Not objectively the best medium. Or the most tasteful collection. Here are a couple of samples.

No regrets.

6. Six By Seuss

I bought this book in Canada when I was seven, and it now belongs to my daughter. An all-time favourite.

And to think that I saw it on Mulberry Street!

7. The Children's Bible

By anonymous or God, depending on your point of view.

Got religion? I was brought up evangelical and The Children's Bible made it all seem super cool. It was a massive breeze block of a book full of lush illustrations.

I mean goddamn. Or...what's the opposite of goddamn? God bless?

8. Fimo Candle Holder

For a while in the 90s, everything had to be made of Fimo. It was the law. If you didn't have Fimo jewellery the 90s police were well within their rights to revoke your butterfly hairclips for being a sad divvo.

I was a massive hippie so I went one further and had this Fimo candle holder. Psychedelic!

9. Mouse Troll, Jelly Baby, My Little Phony

A few second-rate random toys that didn't really fit in my collection but that I didn't have the heart to give up.

I'm pretty sure I named this mouse troll 'Mouse Troll'.

The Jelly Baby was a product tie-in from 1988. The one I had was Baby Bonny.

Babies Bubbles, Boofuls, Bumper, Brilliant, Bonny and Bigheart respectively.

A ton of knock-off ponies were made in the 80s and 90s. Among collectors they're known as 'fakies', though I always thought they were missing a trick by not calling them 'my little phony'.

We didn't lie to you folks. We told you we had living, breathing monstrosities. You laughed at them, shuddered at them. And, yet, but for the accident of birth, you might be even as they are. They did not ask to be brought into the world. But, into the world they came. Their code is a law unto themselves: offend one and you offend them all.

10. Tintins and Asterices

A teenage sleuth and a tiny, superhuman Frenchman? Yes please, get on my bookshelf!

11. Far Side Galleries

I was a sucker for the surreal work of Gary Larson as a teen. And check out these awesome covers.

12. Clearasil

OK. So the only reference to this particular packaging of Clearasil I could find was this ad from 1989! What the actual fuck was I doing with an on-the-go bottle of this in approx. 1998/1999?!

13. Bendy Smiley Face Guy

Because I was a cool raver. Please ignore the giant Brian May poster to the right. Focus on the cool rave face guy.

Greetings, fellow kids.

By the way, I've been unable to identify his elephant friend. I think it was some kind of free gift, like from a bank or something. If you recognise it, get in touch via my site or Twitter and I might send you a prize!

14. Stereo Tower

Look at the absolute size of this boy. Stereos meant business in the 90s.

Other ridiculously large stereo systems are available.

15. My Little Pony Annuals

These were just so yummy. Full of fluffy pastels, rainbows, ice cream and magic.

I hope you enjoyed this trip to the past. If you have a photo that you'd like to see included in this series, please get in touch here or on Twitter.